” You used to be much more . . . muchier. You’ve lost your muchness.”
Mad Hatter talking to Alice.
Muchness, what happened to Alice’s muchness? Alice was told throughout her adventure in her return to Wonderland that she is not the right Alice, she was different. Alice had lost a piece of herself from when she first journeyed to Wonderland to when she returned through the Looking Glass. The Mad Hatter stated that she was once much more muchier but had seemed to have lost her muchness. What had changed in Alice’s life from the 7 year old that fell down the rabbit hole in Alice’s Adventure in Wonderland to an Alice, 6-month older in Alice Through the Looking Glass, she had grown up. When Alice was first in Wonderland she had an amazing imagination, she delighted in showing off her knowledge, she was polite and well raised, but on her return she was ready to accept the wildest impossibility with all the utter trust that only dreams know. When she returned to Wonderland she was curious and felt she did not belong or have an place in Wonderland, her world had changed.
Alice was asked by many if she was the right Alice, the creatures of Wonderland did not seem to recognize the new Alice and called her Almost Alice. There was a piece of her that was different. She had changed from an innocent child to someone who was maturing. She had placed her faith in bigger things and learnt to love and trust deeply. She reach a point in her life unknown to the readers that changed her and her muchness, leaving her with the need to grow up and adapt. By the end of her time in Wonderland her muchness had resurfaced and everyone knew it was the right Alice, she had faith and confidence and was able to slay the Jabberwocky.
I believe we all go through a season of losing sight our muchness, sometime it is taken from us and other times we grow around a situation to avoid being hurt. I know in my own life I have lot of loss, but I gained independence and learned to walk on my own and learned survive. At different places in my life I can see situations that changed me, that shaped me. But honestly I do not regret any of it, even if the shape of my muchness changed. I do not regret my mom having cancer and losing the battle, this created in me independence and courage. I do not regret my dads’s unhealthy choices, this created in me a strength and a hunger for my Savior. I do not regret the depression I faced or the bullies that spoke lies over my life, for this helped me fight for myself, my beliefs and to recognize how important I am in the only eyes that matter, my Saviors. I do not regret the heart aches of boys I dated and moved on from, I learned so many different things from them, I learnt what love is and how important my identity is in Christ and not in the eyes of the world. I do not regret not going to University, I know I have learnt more in my relationship with Christ where I have walked than I ever could have at University. I do not regret being adopted, this gave me a greater appreciation for family and those that are close to me. I do not regret following Jesus even if it meant hardship, loss, trials and leaving those I love the most behind, for I know that God asked me to do this to bring Him glory.
I feel like Alice had not regrets with the journeys for she grew in faith and in confidence. I also believe that she never lost her muchness but rather it changed. I know that my muchness never was lost but rather transformed into a different muchness. Alice never stopped being Alice, she was who she was even when the creatures of Wonderland didn’t recognize her. I know that some may say that I have lost my muchness but I am who I am, I never stopped being Sara. All the different situations and things we overcome in life propel us into change, we change internally, growing, adapting and surviving. The look of our muchness changes, Alice changed into an unrecognizable Alice, but as she walked though life, the creatures of Wonderland saw truth and that Alice in fact was the real Alice.
I sit and write this knowing that if I could have met myself as a child, full of curiosity and hunger for adventure, and than as an adult, I would feel that my muchness was missing, but its not. It no longer looks like the innocence of a child but rather the boldness of the adult I have become. I know my muchness is growing and changing just as my faith in Christ is. I would not be the woman full of muchness to day without my Savior. He gave up everything for me when I deserved nothing. I hope through this holiday season you all remember your child like muchness but also notice how it has grown.